#57

Everyone... I'm sorry it's been so long.

There are many reasons why there has been such a gap but listing them would distract from the message I'm trying to send with this post. Here it is...

I'm 34. I've had many moments when I feel like I have life under control. I have it the way I want it. I get up and my days go the way I like them. Hard work. Juggling three phones while I email and chat teammates and customers while fixing systems and driving all over southern California. I am married with a family that loves me and I have good friends inside and outside of work. I have some of the things I want. More than some might have.

I experienced a life change. Not something I wanted to experience but life happens and sometimes change his required. This changed my lifestyle. Changed work. Changed my daily routine. Behavior for some time. Mindset.

I had a moment of clarity and in that moment I was lucky enough to learn how wrong I was. Life is not controllable. We fit inside the chaos carving out holes where we stick our butts to feel comfortable for a while because that hole is ours. Until the mountain moves. The hole is gone. You're out in the elements exposed and have to find or make a new hole and start all over again.

This can make us angry, sad, lonely, impatient, irrational, and so many other things. We all live for one thing. Some will never admit it or concede to the truth of it. We live to be loved and to love. We all have an emptiness and we all have a surplus. We strive to find people we can give some of our love to. We try to find people who will fill our empty parts. It can be someone you see as a friend, a best friend, a spouse, children, co-workers. They all fill holes we have. They make us feel appreciated and warm and confided in and special. We do the same for them.

We connect and we trust and we hope and we need. We need every day... it's insane how needy we are as a species. There is one thing I learned in my moment. Something I was missing and never really learned until a week ago.

You are a human being. A person, a soul, an energy. Whatever you believe. You exist. We spend so much time and energy trying to find people to love and people to love us. Why don't we put some of that into ourselves? Love yourself. Learn who you are. Learn what you need. What makes you happy. Learn to spend time with yourself. Learn to be comfortable by yourself. Not because you want to be alone, but because there are moments when you will be...because you should be comfortable.

Feeling whole as a person is so important. It makes everything better. Work, family, friendships, mindset. Everything.

I kicked ass this week. Back to my normal. I stopped two friends from fighting. I connected with my Wife. I was there for a few people when they needed it. I made a new friend. I apologized to someone who is very important to me, because I was wrong about something.

I can wake up and function on my own and be happy just being me. Everything is extra on top of that which makes my spirit or energy bubble over. That spills into everyone I connect with. It's contagious.

Love yourself. Love who you may, but always love yourself. Always. You won't need a hole to carve out the chaos. You'll be happy standing out in the storm shouting, "is that all you've got" with a smile on your face. The way it should be.